Pole Divas Final

I suppose I should write something about this, considering I wrote a fair bit before it happened about the stress of preparing for it.

I spent a lot of my time pre-performance feeling nauseous and nervous. Despite that, I managed to talk with a load of lovely people who were competing. I really enjoy how people are friendly at Pole Competitions. It's fun to meet new pole dancers and people are really encouraging. I didn't really get to watch the amateurs and the rest of my category and am looking forward to seeing videos. I loved Sasha's routine as it was brilliant, Vicky's made me smile with its energy, Kaila's was so graceful despite injury and Karry, who won our category was as amazing as I expected her to be.

When it came to my performance. I felt that despite the blatant mess-ups (of which there were a few!) I pretty much did as well as I could. I feel that in retrospect now. When I walked off I was mad at myself for missing my death lay (it felt like I lost strength at that point - my friend Elsie reckons I went into it too fast - I think she's right about that as in my practices I took my time and it worked fine). I just looked at some photos of me at the amazing Motion Stop Factory (seriously - I reckon he's one of the best pole photographers out there - I love, love his photos) and it surprises me how happy I look. I did really enjoy the performance.



One of the best things about being in the amateur advanced category is that you can relax after your performance and watch the professionals. I really enjoyed that. I also really enjoyed seeing Annie Norris' performance - she truly deserved her win. There were so many incredible performances and they were all so different.

Elsie loves watching Sally-Ann Giles perform and at the final, when she performed after all the competition performances I could see why (I missed out at the British Isles competition - being so tired). She was in absolute top form on Sunday and just stunning - she does have this amazing stage presence that's compelling.

To my absolute shock I came second in the advanced amateur category. I really had no expectation that would be the outcome at all. I hoped that I could at least scrape within the top 6 or so. Second place was inconceivable. So, two days later I'm still feeling surprised . I'm also feeling strangely proud of myself and happy about my pole dancing. I feel like I've found what is my style and I'm content with it. I'm also so glad that I can now relax and enjoy myself messing around and learning again.

Cheered

I feel so much better about Sunday today. I went for a practice in the studio with Sasha, Mrs. Gem and baby. Robo-Jo also turned up for a quick visit. Sasha and I did run-throughs of our routines. I messed up the first time, but got pretty much how I'd like it the second time. I feel better for having a run through in front of an audience (however small). I'm ready to go out and enjoy myself and perform as best I can. I'm still incredibly nervous though, but it feels like instead of having the aim of not making an idiot of myself I have the aim of enjoying myself.

I can't wait to see the crowd's reaction to Sasha's routine. It'll be brilliant to experience - she has a excellent song choice and brilliant dance routine bit in addition to her flawless, well-timed tricks. It'll be great to watch :)

Overwhelmed

(which I learnt today is actually a metaphor - it refers to falling into the water off a boat)

So, Sunday is the Pole Divas final and I'm not feeling good about it. The last month has been hectic. I've started in earnest on the PhD and the year I've had off has lost me a lot of background knowledge about the area. It just slips out of your head if you don't engage with it all the time. I'm finding hard to write and formulate ideas. In addition to this, I've been organising moving house, which will hopefully happen before Christmas (maybe?). I've also been working, so I can eat and pay rent.

On top of all this, I've been trying to prepare for Pole Divas. It's not been easy as I'd planned to ease myself into starting at the beginning of November. Stupidly, I injured my arm on my birthday (I'd jammed with people during the afternoon and hurt it and then pole danced at night) and had to give it a rest (I couldn't brush my hair without my shooting pains in my elbow). Fortunately, the week's rest I gave it helped heal it, but my practice time was cut to a week and a half - and I had to ease back into putting weight on my arm. Yes, it was the best thing to do for me long term, but it's left me in a panic as I feel under prepared.

I managed to send in a piece of rubbish work today. I also missed a supervision meeting today as I thought it was tomorrow. It's been rearranged to Friday (funnily enough, for after I go for waxing - it remains to be seen which is the more painful experience).

I so desperately do not want to make a fool of myself on Sunday. I know if I can relax, enjoy, and take the time over my moves and all, I'll be fine, but I'm just not feeling it. I wish I had about 6 more hours in each day. In all honesty, I'll be glad when this pressure is over and pole dancing is one less thing I have to worry about. I can go back to just messing around and enjoying myself. Come December there are all sorts of exciting things happening pole wise. There's the studio's Christmas party, which looks to be fun, the launch of Deb Riley's British Pole Academy, something I can't wait to attend (It has amazing performances! And a giant pole jam!) and excitingly, Jenyne Butterflys' UK tour and I'm sharing a 121 lesson with another poler. Jenyne Butterfly is my absolute aspirational standard. She' s so strong, controlled, innovative and such a beautiful performer. I can't wait.

I'm looking forward to resting physically without guilt. I want to go back and do some trapeze to sort out what I've done to my upper back through pole (one handed bow and arrows do something weird to my spine - trapeze and some belly dancing isolations have been the things that put it back in place). I also want to be open about what I'm doing. I feel like I have to hoard my practices whilst I'm preparing for competitions. I really wish I had opportunities to perform that weren't competitions. Performances where I wasn't being judged in some manner where I could just have fun. But I don't here at the moment.